12 Outrageous Steps Congress Can Take to Improve Its Approval Rating
Recently, a poll of their Congressional approval rating found that only nine percent of the American people had a favorable rating of their senators and representatives. So the congressmen buckled down and got to work and got their rating up to...17 percent. If they want to keep up this white hot pace, they should try some of these ideas.
1. Decrease the Congressional weekend from seven days to six.
2. Assure the American people that if they increase their approval rating, the GSA will invite them all to their next party in Acapulco.
3. Give legislators the option of debating an issue or fighting for it in a ‘Highlander’-style sword battle.
4. Pass comprehensive health care legislation that ensures patients will receive a lollipop after every visit.
5. Stop all taxes on Steak-umms.
6. Approve legislation that lifts the classified status on the Osama Bin Laden death photos and publishes them in the next Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue.
7. New rule: pass a bill, get an extra second on your bathroom break.
8. Instead of raising taxes for the top one percent, make Donald Trump pay everyone’s taxes.
9. All statements delivered on the floor of the House and the Senate can contain no more than three syllables.
10. Call for an immediate voter fraud investigation to determine why Jaleel White suddenly got bumped off of ‘Dancing with the Stars.’
11. Require all citizens who call the IRS to utter at least five “#*$& You!’s” during each conversation.
12. Force the Department of Weights and Measures to make 17 the highest number.