Want to Ride That Roller Coaster? Take This Breathalyzer First

A well-seasoned drinker would never do anything as foolish as get incontinently drunk the night before he is supposed to be strapped into an electric catapult and shuttled at top speed in defiance of gravity, inertia and common sense. However, an amateur boozehound might just push those boundaries, liberally having his guts turned inside out only to be made a public spectacle of in front of various Gods and somebody’s children.

Because of this, an amusement park in the United Kingdom is planning to give breathalyzer tests to patrons before allowing them to board roller coasters and other attractions known for having the predisposition to cause people to blow chunks.

Representatives from Thorpe Park in Surrey, England, say that they decided to implement mandatory breathalyzers because since the first week back to school, the park has experienced a 250 percent increase in rides being shut down in order to clean up vomit.

Breathalyzers will be given to all guests, with those individuals registering a blood-alcohol content of 0.08 percent or higher not being allowed to ride some of the more intense attractions.

Thorpe Park representatives say inebriated individuals may be encouraged to ride the latest addition to the park’s repertoire instead, the Swarm, leaving them in just the right condition to take on more of the park’s adrenaline-pumping adventures or send them into the downward spiral of the Technicolor yawn.

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