Parents must always be on the offensive to protect their children from the countless ways the world tries to steer them down the wrong path. But should parents be leery of the names of foods?

The real answer is probably not. But if you consider what we call certain items in our kitchens and on our dining room tables, kids could be getting the wrong message. At least according to humorist Mark Miller.

With tongue planted firmly in cheek, Miller has created a fictitious organization known as the National Food Messaging Foundation that has released a list of the Top Ten Offensive Food Names. Miller seems to be the only resident of this world, but his sampling of the “list” is amusing.

The offensive food names Miller mentioned include:

Sloppy Joes -- "Sends the message that messy is okay. We suggest changing the food to Neat Joes."
Deviled Eggs -- "Do we really want to name an innocent egg item after Satan? Should obviously be Angeled Eggs."
Dirty Rice -- "The last thing we want to do is promote filth, especially among our precious children. Change to Clean Rice at once."
Licorice -- "Obviously, we want to avoid any food item beginning with the 'Lick' word. Change to Respectorice."
Poo-Poo Platter -- "Just because it's from another country, in this case China, doesn't mean it has the right to appear on a menu in America to influence our children. Change to Fun Fun Platter."
Lazy Susan-- "Even the tableware upon which the food is served is sending out the wrong message. Change to Industrious Susan."

As soon as the not-so-real NFMF gets done drawing attention to food names, Miller reports that they’ll be moving on to names of sports. Apparently “soccer” is too similar to “sock her” for their liking.

What other food names could be corrupting our nation’s kids?