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10 Reasons Ryan Braun (Allegedly) Used Performance-Enhancing Drugs

Ryan Braun
Mark Hirsch, Getty Images

Ryan Braun has found himself in some hot water after tests revealed the 2011 National Most Valuable Player winner tested positive for performance-enhancing drugs.

Why would the 28-year-old star allegedly do it? Was he possessed by Sammy Sosa? Is he a graduate of the Manny Ramirez School of Baseball? Did he just want to mash more homers? Nope. Turns out there are several other reasons you may not be aware of:

1. Hey, if your job was in Milwaukee, you’d need something to take the edge off, too.

2. He didn’t think anyone would notice that he jumped from being the size of Prince Fielder’s pinky to being the size of Prince Fielder’s thumb.

3. He wants to do HGH again, so he can tell kids two Brauns don’t make a right.

4. He figured he’d mess with his body a little bit because he’s tired of people saying he looks like that guy from ‘American Pie.’

5. Bernie Brewer got him a great deal on the drugs. Let’s just say he’s got access to more than just beer.

6. He won the MVP Award, but really wanted to win the MVPED — Most Valuable Performance-Enhancing Drug.

7. When you play for a team that hasn’t been to a World Series in almost 30 years, you’ve got to do something to tip the odds in your favor.

8. He was hoping to get big enough muscles to land a paper towel endorsement deal after he changed his name to Ryan Brawny.

9. You do what you gotta do to keep up with Aaron Rodgers for the title of most popular athlete in Wisconsin.

10. He claims it wasn’t for baseball. He says he needed the drugs to perform better while doing feng shui.

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