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14 Things You Don’t Want to Hear in the School Cafeteria

school lunch cafeteria gross
Christopher Furlong, Getty Images

School lunches were never something we looked forward to when we were younger.

Sure, we were hungry, but we knew we could eat pencils if we had to and they probably had a more organic taste and better nutritional value than the cafeteria’s “meat loaf surprise” (the surprise being that anyone would consider it “meat”).

The worst part was waiting in that long line that led to the inevitable chamber of horrors that was the food service area. These are the exclamations that made us wish we could run home screaming for our mommies.

1. “Man, these things really put up a fight when they know you want to eat them.”

2. “Of course it’s edible. At the very least, it won’t kill them.”

3. “Whaddaya mean those stray dogs won’t eat it?”

4. “It looks like meat loaf, but it tastes like broccoli and it sounds like a duck.”

5. “You know that won’t fit in the meat grinder with the head still on it.”

6. “Hello, I’m from the Health Inspectors’ Office and we’ve received several complaints about scabs in the chowder…”


8. “What are you doing over there? Get back in that pot!”

9. “The recipe book said two cups of flour but the closest thing we have is this ground-up chalk.”

10. “Hair net, schmair net…”

11. “Standing over this hot chili really makes me sweaty.”

12. “I’ve told you we’re on a schedule and we don’t have time for ‘washing hands.’”

13. “So just as we were baking the chicken, the biggest rat I ever saw jumped in the oven…”

14. “Define ‘edible.’”

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