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13 Ways to Tell You’re a Bad Parent


Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are in the rearview mirror. We’ve shown how much we love our folks, no matter how nuts they make us.

Being a mom or a dad is a hard job, but even a minimal amount of effort can make a world of difference and help a kid grow up to become a productive and inspiring member of society. Those who don’t have kids who end up contributing nothing to the world, living off the pity of others or (worst of all) working for Donald Trump.

Some, of course, don’t even try. Here’s how to tell if you’re one of them.

1. Your last name is “Hardnow” and you name your kid “Kickme.”

2. Your kid knows every local officer by name, rank and badge number.

3. Instead of going to your children’s parent-teacher conference, you sent your dog in your place and then your kid made the honor roll.

4. Nancy Grace refuses to do any more stories on you.

5. Your Mothers Day gift from your kid was a year’s supply of birth control pills.

6. Kate from ‘Kate Plus 8′ urges you to seek professional help.

7. Your kid thinks Steak-umms, pancakes and sausage-on-a-stick are part of the food pyramid.

8. The Kardashians’ mom reported you to child services.

9. You starred on ‘Toddlers & Tiaras.’

10. The only thing you childproofed in your home was the liquor cabinet.

11. When you tell your kid to clean their room, they ask where you keep the leaf blower.

12. All of their clothes comes from the Sweet Valley Potato Company.

13. Your kid refuses to eat his vegetables because they are actually made of plastic.

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