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13 Signs Your Car Will Be Stolen

Sneak car Thief
Hulton Archive, Getty Images

Car thefts have been one of those crimes that seem to exist whether the economy is bad or good.

Automobiles are relatively easy to break into, attract little to no attention whether they are equipped with alarms and can be sold in part or whole for big, quick cash. It’s so widespread and hard to track that it’s a wonder we haven’t submitted our resignation for a new career in “auto relocation.”

Some cities, of course, have a harder time than others keeping their cars in their rightful owners’ garages. Here’s how to tell you’re in the worst of them.

1. You’ve driven the same car since high school even though you’ve bought a “new one” four times.

2. Most cities have a “car pooling lane.” Your city has a “carjacking lane.”

3. The makers of the Grand Theft Auto video games pay your city a royalty for the rights.

4. You’ve gone through more cars in a year than Mitt Romney’s motor pool.

5. Geico won’t cover you because it considers living in your town a “pre-existing condition.”

6. The local “chop shops” have a drive-thru window.

7. The only reason your redneck neighbors don’t have cars on blocks in their yard is because someone keeps stealing them.

8. Bank foreclosures are so high that the residences with the lower rates are cars.

9. You pay more for car insurance than most people pay for health insurance.

10. You’ve filed so many car theft reports with the police that one more with earn you a free large meat lovers’ pizza.

11. You drove a Chrysler Town and Country and someone voluntarily stole it.

12. Car repossessions are down because someone keeps stealing tow trucks.

13. Mass transit hasn’t come to your town because the city can’t hang on to the buses.

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