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12 Signs Arsenio Hall’s New Show Will Be a Disaster

NBC Universal 2012 Winter TCA Press Tour All-Star Party arsenio hall
Alberto E. Rodriguez, Getty Images

A name from television’s past may be reappearing on our screens and thankfully, it’s not ALF.

Arsenio Hall, the former host of ‘The Arsenio Hall Show,’ has inked a deal to host his own late night talk show again in syndication. We’re certainly happy for Mr. Hall, but we don’t have much hope for his success. Here’s how you can tell he won’t be able to recapture the magic that made his first show a hit:

1. His signature “Woof! Woof! Woof!” chant gave his entire audience in the 1990s torn rotator cuffs.

2. Since Bill Clinton played his sax on his old show, now we’ll have to endure Mitt Romney show off his musical talent as an impresario of the slide whistle.

3. Jay Leno will find a way to screw him, just out of habit.

4. With late night shows eating up all of the earliest time slots, he’ll have to pander to the drunk, stripper and “just got done hiding a body” demographics.

5. By the time his show gets on the air, there will be so many talk shows that the Game Show Network will be giving Pat Sajack another shot.

6. The thought of Fox trying to do another late night talk show is funny by itself.

7. He won’t have Donald Trump around for comic relief.

8. Seeing Arsenio on TV will cause a panic by making people think the Earth has entered a wormhole.

9. It will actually make people feel sorry for Chevy Chase.

10. All the rampant fist pumping will lead to a wave of lawsuits due to self-inflicted black eyes.

11. It will create a backlash because it will take away one more hour of programming from late night phone sex infomercials.

12. No one has been able to be funnier on a talk show in any time slot than Glenn Beck.

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